Summertime and the Working Parent

ProgressiveMom June 19, 2013 Family Life, Seasonal Activities, Working Parent

I absolutely love summer. I love flip flops and summer skirts. I love the more carefree attitude that everyone has in the summer. I always let the boys stay up just a little bit later and have just a little bit too much ice cream. The mundane days of winter are gone and lovely summer days are broken up by after-work trips to the local watering hole (we actually have several in our town) for a quick swim before bed. The concerts in the park on Wednesday nights, fireworks, barbecues…I can go on and on.

Summer is the time of year that I wish I was a stay-at-home mom. I wish I could fill up my boys’ days with trips to the park, the farm, the neighborhood parks and rec camp or join our neighborhood friends at the town pool for the afternoon. But alas, I have to keep working and they have to keep going to child care and camp.

Ben’s center does change up their traditional school year program for a summer camp and he’s thrilled. Max is attending a traditional day camp program run by our town for children with special needs. It’s your typical arts and crafts, swimming time, camp games program but with lower ratios and people specially trained to deal with medically complex children, administering medication, and help children with social skill delay navigate the big world of making friends at summer camp. There are two field trips per week* and a family picnic mid-way through the summer. I know he’s going to be exhausted at the end of the day. I know he’s going to love it.

I also know that I’m going to be sitting at my desk, gazing out into the back yard, thinking about them alot and wishing we were together.

*Side note: Anyone have tips about sending kids on field trips? I’m terrified to let Max go because he has some sensory problems and I’m used to being with him to help when we’re out and about.

RELATED RESOURCES:

Online Community: Summer Activities for Children of Wide Age Span
E-family news: Summer Safety Tips

Summer

In Loss, a Lesson on Parenthood

MediaMom June 18, 2013 In the News, Social & Emotional Development, Working Parent

For more than 10 years I worked for Paul Cellucci. He was, simply put, one of the finest, kindest, and most genuine men to walk this Earth. He lived his life devoted to two things: family and public service. He started his political career at age 21, serving in local government in his hometown. He would go on to serve as Lieutenant Governor and Governor of Massachusetts and then as United States Ambassador to Canada during a tumultuous time in our nation’s history. When he was stricken with ALS, he took on one final mission — to raise funds for research into the disease that took his life last week. That through it all, he remained so personable, without pretense and with complete dignity, is remarkably rare. As Bill Weld put so perfectly at his memorial, “Paul was touched by fire. He just never rubbed your face in it.”

But what was equally remarkable was what a devoted father he was to his daughters, Kate and Anne. They eulogized him so eloquently at his funeral service. And while I learned a lot from Paul Cellucci in the years I worked for him at the Massachusetts State House when I was young and impressionable and just starting out my career, I learned something new from him at that service, now that I am grown, and experienced, and have children of my own. His daughters, through their heartbreak, said their Dad never got mad at them, “He knew it just wasn’t worth it,” Anne said. And that was before he knew his life would be cut so short. And Kate closed their tribute by telling everyone that their Dad gave them the tools they needed to live by his personal motto, “be nice.”

Paul Cellucci shaped my career and my life in many ways. And now in his passing, through the remembrances of his daughters, he has given me final words of wisdom that I can only aim to parent by. Rest in peace, Governor. You have taught us well.

Going to Grandma’s: The Scavenger Hunt

Ruth June 17, 2013 Development, Preschool, School Age, Seasonal Activities

Editor’s Note: Ruth is a Bright Horizons employee, proud mother of three adult children, and loving grandmother to three little girls. She loves spending time with her granddaughters Sofi, Noi, and Dali at her home in eastern Washington. Ruth loves to have “her girls” help with everything from feeding the chickens, to planning creative adventures, to setting the table for Sunday family dinners. She learned to be a Grandma from two of the best…her own Grandma and her Mom.

For my granddaughters, going to Grandma’s place in the mountains means fun and projects. Often our big girls, Sofi (age 7) and Noi (age 4), find their own projects. They have a designated hunk of the property that’s all their own and they spend countless hours making “rooms” for their dolls and using their imaginations to come up with all sorts of games. This weekend my daughter helped them with a nature scavenger hunt. It was an afternoon full of learning and exploration. Their list of treasures to search for included finding something:

Round
Smooth
Fuzzy
Rough
Man-made

Once the list was written, they set out to conquer. The girls made a plan of attack and reviewed the list together several times. One by one they went through the list trying to find the most perfect example of each listed characteristic. When everything was found Sofi used her well know Halloween tactic…dump it all out some place safe and take inventory! Everything was accounted for and both girls described the details of each treasure. Noi found a fuzzy leaf and we all got an opportunity to “pet” it. Rough was the easiest one…there are lots of rough rocks lying around. Smooth blades of grass went in the bag and a long straight slender pine needle fit the bill for something straight. Yellow flowers were round. The hardest one was something man-made. Sofi and Noi searched quite awhile before they found a small piece of surveyors tape!

The entire project took only about 20 minutes but the conversation lasted well into the evening. It’s days like this that make me remember the fun times at my own Grandma’s house. Remind me sometime, I’ll tell you about making mudpies on my Grandma’s best silver platter. What do you remember about going to Grandma’s when you were little?

RELATED RESOURCES:

E-family news: Children & Nature – A Winning Combination

Father’s Day: What This Dad Really Wants

Andy June 14, 2013 Family Life, Holidays

What do you really want for Father’s Day?

This will be my third Father’s Day as a dad. As of yet, I still have not mastered how to manage the holiday. Everywhere you look there are ads for beer gadgets, golfing deals, and various other cliché, gimmicky Father’s Day ideas. All of these are great for what they are, but how does a dad really want to celebrate? My wife has been asking me this exact question for days now, and I have NO idea. It’s not as simple as it sounds. We are both lucky enough that our fathers are alive and local to us, so we obviously want to celebrate Father’s Day with our dads, but we also want to find a way to spend time celebrating with our own little family unit. As dad of that unit, how do I want to spend my Sunday?

In an attempt to answer this question for myself, I wanted to see what my friends had planned. One fellow dad outlined a very relaxing day of golfing followed by a few beers. Seems great, right? But as good as this sounds, I’m not sure I can get on board with sending my kids the message that for Father’s Day, I want to spend the day away from them. This by no means implies I would not love to have a relaxing day of golf — it just means that this would not be a guilt-free Father’s Day for me (and for the record, this friend is a fantastic dad who has taught me some important tips over the years, so I by no means am judging his ideal way to celebrate). Sure, I wouldn’t mind a day of no diaper changing, no baby feeding, no screaming or crying, and watching the US Open instead of Thomas the Train, but then isn’t that really a “non-Father’s-Day” celebration? Isn’t that what my weekends were like all those years before these little buggers came into my life?

After we had Grey, I was talking to a co-worker (and yes, complaining) about how much I missed being able to just pack up and go somewhere. Eat a casual dinner saddled up at the bar. Or even work longer hours at the office whenever I needed to. He pointed out that I was trying to live life like a single guy and layer a family on top of that when what I really needed to do was jump in and embrace this new life of mine. I am not sure he intended that I follow-up Grey with a set of twins, but hey, why not?

Keeping this in mind, I think I know exactly what I want to do on Sunday — embrace life as a dad of three and spend a regular weekend day with my family…maybe minus some of the chores we should be doing. It might not be the picture of relaxation, but to me, it sounds like a good way to celebrate.

RELATED RESOURCES:

E-family news: The Art of Fatherhood — Parenting Tips for Modern Dads
Online Community: Father’s Day Activities with Baby
Online Community: Father’s Day — Giving Dad a Day Off or Celebrating as a Family?

Father's Day

Remembering Grandfathers on Father’s Day

NourishMom June 13, 2013 Family Life, Holidays

In our household, Father’s Day usually means a family hike or outing to the beach. A day spent together celebrating my wonderful husband and his special relationship with our two children. But there is a small part of my heart that aches for my kids every year on this day.

I’m saddened that my children don’t have a grandfather. There is no grampy to steal noses and tickles, no papa to sneak them candy, no gramps to tell “when I was a kid” stories. We are blessed to have two fabulous grandmothers to fill the void. Yet there persists an empty space for “what could have been.”

My dad passed unexpectedly when I was 24. It’s taken me years – decades – to get over the sadness of his missed moments in my life. My childhood memories of him are not sunshine. He was a hard worker and left a lot of the child rearing to my mom. My young relationship with him was mediocre at best. But that all changed a few years prior to his death when he let me into his world and I opened him up to mine. Now, I often wonder, “What would his relationship be like with my kids? Would he sit contently listening to Olivia read her millions of self-penned stories? Would he stand at the bottom of the slide to catch Owen for hours?”

My father-in-law passed when Olivia (now age 6) was 7 months old. I don’t have the same questions because I witnessed first-hand what a great grampy he was to my older niece and nephew. He was always there to sneak a kiss to my niece or share lunch after school with my nephew. They have their own special memories to cherish of a grandfather that passed too soon. I often wonder if it’s harder on them to have loved and then lost.

When I allow myself to visit this small place on Father’s Day, I try to cherish my memories of two great men. I make peace with the idea that my children won’t really know their grandfathers. And I know that soon we need to start sharing our memories with the kids so, at the very least, they will know about their parents’ fathers.

Father's Day

Father’s Day: What My Dad Taught Me about Being a Parent

Sarah June 12, 2013 Family Life, Holidays, Working Parent

Editor’s Note: Sarah is a former Bright Horizons parent, proud mom to Jack (age 8), and current VP of Consumer Marketing. She loves to build things — but most of all, she loves to build brands, teams, and the careers of her colleagues.

“Sarah, your Dad fell and I’m in the car following the ambulance.” My father has Parkinson’s disease and I learned he had fallen hard on asphalt in a train station parking lot. It happened on the very day he was moving back to the northeast to be closer to family. He suffered broken bones, lacerations requiring stitches and he was in considerable pain. Fortunately, the MRI told us there was no head trauma. Dad is recovering. He is a proud and stoic Parkinson’s warrior. He is also my hero. I don’t know how many more Father’s Days I will have with my Dad, but I’ll be in my car driving down to see him again on June 16th.

When I was a kid, Dad would say, “Life is too short,” whenever I whined. It used to drive me nuts when he said it. But he was right. When you are young, you have no idea how short a life you will live. You have no idea how much you are going to miss someone until you realize you may not have them much longer. I am a member of the sandwich generation. I am raising a young child and taking care of my aging parents. That is what you do for your family. When my son was in preschool, I wrote my father a letter to let him know what he taught me about parenting. He put it in a frame. He told me it is the best thing I’ve ever written; better than any marketing plan and better than the stories I used to write as a kid. So, I’ll share part of it with you.

Dear Dad,

I just was thinking the other day that being a parent is the hardest job I’ve ever had. But I really love it so much and can’t imagine not having Jack in my life. I wanted to thank you. I am realizing every day that you taught me so much about how to be a parent.

You taught me that no matter how few pennies you have in the bank or how busy your calendar is, there is always a way to help another person that is less fortunate.
You taught me to think like a citizen of the world and not just like an American. You gave us exposure to different countries and cultures.
You taught me how to sail a Sun Fish. You told me it is ok to capsize as long as I just get myself right back up. You were really teaching me resilience.
You taught me how to ride a bike. But you really taught me how to be courageous. All that time I thought you were holding on to the back of the seat you were really just running along beside me.
You taught me diplomacy. You taught me how to negotiate on the playground and you helped me through some dreadful corporate politics early in my career.
You told me to try not to lose my sense of curiosity about things. We stop learning when we lose our curiosity.
You taught me that family, health and education matter most. In that order.
You taught me what it means to have unshakable faith. And you never judged me when I told you that the way you and I practice our faith may have to be different.
You sat through so many long weekend swim meets when I was a child. You left a business meeting to drive to one of my college lacrosse games. You introduced me to athletics, which gave me a healthy sense of competition and taught me how to build great teams.
In 1969, you let me stay up late to watch the TV feed of the Moon Walk. It inspired my “inner-astronaut” and my lifelong fascination with all-things-NASA and outer space. I can’t wait to take Jack to space camp.

I wish all you dads a Happy Father’s Day. It seems so silly that we make such a big deal about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day as once-a-year events. Maybe we should find a way to celebrate parents at least on a quarterly basis. As your children’s first teacher, what you do has such lasting impressions on their lives.

RELATED RESOURCES:

E-family news: The Sandwich Generation — Duality in Caring
Online Community: Homemade Father’s Day Gift Ideas

Father's Day

Father’s Day: Practical Gifts for Dad

MediaMom June 11, 2013 Family Life, Favorite Sites & Products, Holidays

This year, my husband made me promise to stick to his “I need” list for Father’s Day gifts. So, I threw creativity out the window, logged onto his Amazon account, and raided his Safari cache to find out what that “I need” list is. May it inspire you to heap practicality upon your husband this Father’s Day.

1) 25-removable compartment professional organizer. He already owns 4 or 5 of these. What’s one more?

2) A backpack wet-dry shop vacuum. I guess one of us should want a vacuum. All the power to him.

3) Whiskey stones. To cool your drink without watering it down. Is it possible I’m the only wife who thinks her husband (typically a diet coke kind of guy) should drink more? This one is a definite.

4) Smartcode electronic door handle. He just installed a home alarm system for our house, and I think this thing might enable us to open the front door with a key fob. I might be more excited about it than he is.

5) We passed on Harlem Globetrotters tickets when they were in town this past winter, and now they’re not scheduled to be in town anytime soon, but with a son who’s a basketball fanatic and a comedian, these will stay on the list until they are back in town.

6) Crush-proof water-resistant sports wallet. I think this is to protect his cell phone at the beach this summer. Think I can buy two?

I think my daughter is eyeing a boogie board for Dad, and my son surely thinks Daddy needs a truck or ball or lawnmower — all of the toddler-sized variety. This Father’s Day may not be romantic, but at least it should be practical on the (crush resistant) wallet.

RELATED RESOURCE:

Pinterest: Check out Father’s Day gift ideas on our Holidays board
Online Community: Father’s Day Gifts

Father's Day

Kindergarten: What I Learned This Year

ProgressiveMom June 10, 2013 Education, Family Life

Remember this post? Max’s first day of Kindergarten?

Well, we’re almost finished with this school year. In a few short weeks, Max will have completed Kindergarten. The year went remarkably well and we are thrilled with his progress and the team of people who have helped him along the way. Last summer, we were in a completely different place, wondering if we were making the right decision sending Max to public school vs. private. So far, so good.

Having a child in school is much different than having a child in child care, so I wanted to share a few tips I picked up along the way.

1. You do not have to volunteer for everything. Especially at the beginnng of the year, you will be bombarded with to-dos. Join the PTO, sell wrapping paper, collect box tops, become room parent, become a classroom volunteer, etc., etc., etc. Something that Commuter Mom recommended to me before Max started school was to pick what was important to me, and do that. Don’t feel guilty about the rest of the stuff because you can’t do everything. This has really helped guide what I did during the year. I felt is was important to be part of Max’s classroom. I wanted to know the kids in the room, and I wanted to see what he was really like in class. I also wanted to see what his teacher was like and learn her teaching style. So I chose to volunteer in the classroom once or twice a month. My husband, since he wasn’t able to do the same, was the parent who accompanied Max’s class on field trips (because of Max’s medication, one of us has to join the trips) and the annual Field Day. If you can’t get out of the office for these types of things, there are other tasks that you can do. Be the classroom communication person and send emails about things at night. Volunteer to provide the cups and napkins for class parties. There is always something you can do if you want to. Similarly, if you can’t get to a school performance (hello 30 minute Thanksgiving song fest in the middle of the day!), send an email to the class list and ask someone to video it for you.

2. Get the teacher’s email address. Email has been a fantastic way for me to keep in touch with not only Max’s classroom teacher, but all of his Special Ed team as well. Teachers can respond to email easier than a phone call or scheduling a meeting (which you should absolutely do if you feel the need to) and to me, emailing a question seemed less obtrusive than calling during the day. If Max had a rough morning at home, or if I had a question about something that came home in his back pack, email was the easiest way to reach out. That, coupled with me being in the classroom periodically, helped me feel connected to his teacher the way I was when he was in child care.

3. There are good teachers in public schools. Teachers are getting a bad rap these days. Let your child’s teacher know if you think he/she is doing a good job.

4. Your child is going to be tired. Even if he/she is used to being in full day child care, Kindergarten is different. Give them time to decompress when they get off the bus or you pick them up from after-school care.

5. You are going to have no control over what your child eats. Even if you pack your child’s lunch, it’s unlikely you’ll know what actually gets eaten. Media Mom was telling me that her child buys chocolate milk or ice cream everyday with her lunch money which went unknown for most of the school year. Oh, and if you do make lunch vs. buying it, do it at night. Trust me on this one.

If your child is getting ready to enter Kindergarten and you’re reading this, you will get through it. It will be different, it will be frustrating and it will be joyful.

RELATED RESOURCES:

Online Community:

Kindergarten

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