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4 year old, could she be stuck up??

Home Forums Early Education 4 year old, could she be stuck up??

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Barbara Wells Barbara Wells 5 years, 10 months ago.

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    My 4 year old is gorgeous. She is also very outgoing. Everyone loves her, the boys in 5-6th grade just dote over her and her teachers tell her how beautiful she is. She kissed a boy under a table at daycare the other day. She wears high heel play shoes and carries a mirror and a brush. She makes sure she has lipgloss on everywhere she goes and she shakes her little hips and puts her hand out as she walks. I can’t raise a snobby girl but I don’t know how to keep her overinflated ego at bay. I’ve asked the kids and te
    teachers to not encourage it. I am so worried she will be the most hated child later. I do not want her stuck on herself. Is this just normal??


    I think you are correct in asking others not to encourage the behaviors you are concerned with. Do the other little girls in her class engage in the same type of behaviors? If not, where has she seen this type of behavior, (make up , high heels for preschoolers & sashaying hips?) If she is seeing this on TV maybe a change in programming is in order. You also might try introducing other activities into her life that will take the spotlight off of glamor and onto more desirable attributes; swimming, ballet, karate, t-ball, or soccer, are a few suggestions. Your brief description did not indicate that she is snubbing or excluding others and that is a good sign. Helping her to develop a healthy self image, not centered around her appearance, should create a more balanced personality. Take the emphasis off of beauty and teach her other ways to play. Switch out her dramatic play props periodically so that the high heels and mirrors are replaced with other interesting items. Most importantly she should not be made to feel bad about her beauty. Just remove the emphasis, introduce other ways of gaining acceptance, and broaden her interests by introducing new experiences, and ideas, programming and toys.


    I had a lot of the same initial thoughts as MsBobbi. I’m wondering if you know where she might have seen some of the behavior she’s exhibiting? Are there certain TV shows she might be watching? Kids definitely absorb a lot when it comes to media, so it might be as simple as limiting some of that programming or consciously shifting what she’s watching to programs with different messaging. I also like the idea of involving her in some different activities – sports, art classes, etc. – to encourage her to focus on some of the other talents she has.


    Erica Boos

    Just because your daughter likes high heels, lip gloss and to hold her hand out when she walks, does not mean she will be a snob.  Just because as adults we picture a "snobish person" to possible dress in this fashion, doesnt mean children do. Look at her behaviors with her friends and family, not just her affection for heels.

    My daughter loved to always be "fancy" and carry her purse that was filled with lip gloss, bracelets and mirrors. She wanted to be a princess in every sense of the word. Now at the age of 12, it is a struggle to get her to wear any of her nice jewelery and carry a purse.

    Sounds like this is a phase that will pass. Stay focused on the behavior she exhibits with her friends, more than the accessories.


    I agree with the other posts that she may benefit from other activites that do not focus on her being glamorous. I applaude your for seeing where this is going and the potential trouble coming. Relying on your looks to get attention could lead down a very scary path in adolescence. It sounds like she is acting this way because of the attention it gets her (operant conditioning if you will) and that the way to break it is to reduce the attention she gets for being glamorous and increase the positive attention she gets for being smart, talented, compassionate, a good friend, etc. My 4 year old watches Victorious and iCarly. I take the time to explain to her during those shows the things that are good and bad to do and make sure to tell her that kissing is for teenagers. Things like that. That way she is being taught what is right and wrong and not having to figure it out on her own. While my daughter also gets attention for being attractive, always wears dresses, things that sparkle, has her hair done, loves lip gloss and high heels, we placed the focus on her being intelligent and a good person while being glamorous and it seems to be working out well. I’m sure you’ll get it worked out since she is so young and impressionable and she will not grow up to be the person you fear she will be.

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