Caregivers for parents?
- July 11, 2013 at 1:13 pm #20408
Looking for blogs and/or information from others who are adult children Caregivers of one or more of their parents. Anyone out there?July 12, 2013 at 9:48 am #20410
I am raising a young child and also taking care of my aging parents. I may be able to help you. Are you looking for online resources written by other adult caregivers or are you looking for resources written by professional associations (like Alzheimers groups)?July 12, 2013 at 12:43 pm #20411
Hi – just looking for other adult caregivers I guess. Have access to lots of professional information but would like to read more about what "real" people have to say. Not sure I want to jump in and talk so much yet as I want to read though.July 12, 2013 at 6:51 pm #20412July 23, 2013 at 9:04 am #20413
Hello – saw your question and I think I sensed your apprehension.
My husband and I are raising a 4 1/2 year old child and also brought my mother to live with us 5 years ago.
We’ve had many discussions over the last 5 years about how this is all playing out. Here is a snapshot:
Me – My parents were wonderful to me. When my Father passed away 6 years ago, my Mother was left with a big house half-way across the country. My parents had visited us twice a year and we had visited them twice a year. They flew in for special occasions, were very generous and also brought us with them, and sent us on wonderful vacations. My Mom was a positive minded person, she always pitched in without needing an invitation but was never a meddler into our lives. As she ages, capable of doing less and less (although she remains fairly independent), there are positives and negatives; the positives far outweigh the negatives. I will never, NEVER feel guilty that I didn’t treat my Mother with the same love, concern and care that she and my Father showered on me. My husband is amazed that I am so inclusive and caring of her now having been put to the test. The negatives, we have relinquished about 50% of our freedom and "alone together" time because she is always here. She is thoughtful enough however, to decline some of invitations to come to dinner or movies with us. She really tries to give us "alone" time.
My Husband – I had no idea he could be so kind to someone else living in our house other than our child. I am very proud of his attitude towards her and his behavior around her. He will give her a hug if she looks a little lonely or glum, he considers her as much a part of our family now as is our child. Although he would like life to return to the way it was, he was the one who convinced her that it would be OK if she came to live with us. He’s been incredible.
Our Son (an only child) – As he matures and she regresses, they are like friends. We do not allow her to drive him, which is a bone of contention for her, when he wants to play store, she is happy to sit on a chair and be the customer, luckily for me, because I get very tired of it. Our son is learning to accept the elderly and he has come to understand that they must treated kindly and with understanding if they need some extra time to get from here to there. On the other hand, he knows that whatever he wants to do, she is willing to play with him, get for him, do for him and be kind to him.
Friends – Although our social life has been cramped because she is here, my friends of 15 and 20 years seem to look at us in a new light – and it is positive. We have strong relationships with our friends so they will always invite my Mom to come along to a party or for dinner. My Mother is kind enough to decline invitations about 60% of the time because she wants us to have our own social experiences, but she also likes to be home alone without any of us. Our friends tell us often how wonderful they think it is that we have brought her to live with us and we really appreciate the comments.
My Mom – She is happiest when with our son, playing with him. She enjoys when we have company and she always helps prepare, get this and that for our company, and helps clean up afterwards. She is lonely for my Dad and sometimes thinks she shouldn’t have sold her own home. She is embarrassed when people ask her where she lives and she tells them that she lives with us. I think that when she is home alone, she feels more independent.
Money – We don’t ask her to contribute anything towards the household. If she is with us, she often insists on paying the tab, she decided to take all of us on vacation last year, she always brings home my husband’s favorite snack, she pays attention to things she hears around the house and showed up with a new computer system for my husband last year – and it happened to be just the one he was going to buy. She grocery shops every week. In fact, I think the last time I grocery shopped was about 6 weeks ago. I seem to pick up little things we need and do the shopping if we’re having company for dinner.
Overall opinion – We really miss our privacy and everything is certainly not perfect but we are pleased and proud that we made the decision to have her come to our home and would make the same decision again.
If you want to have a chat, let me know. There are so many arenas of life touched by multigenerational households.August 6, 2013 at 6:49 am #20414
Hi atof3kids! We have a new guest blogger on the Bright Horizons Family Room Blog who is writing from the perspective of a sandiwch generation mom — she is caring for her young daughter and also assisting her aging parents. She will be guest blogging regularly over the next few months and may have some really great resources to share that you will find helpful.
Here is a link to her first blog post: http://blogs.brighthorizons.com/momtomom/2013/08/06/the-sandwich-generation-raising-children-caring-for-aging-parents/
Feel free to comment on the post and ask her a question, if you’d like. I’m sure she has great advice and info to share.August 7, 2013 at 9:43 am #20415
Thank you for referring me to the new blog!!
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