Do you and your spouse fight in front of your child/ren?
- July 18, 2011 at 7:54 am #23564
Yesterday my husband and I had a pretty ridiculous spat in front of our daughter which made me so frustrated that I stomped up the stairs crying. I know – not very mature. But it got me thinking about how other parents handle the daily yin and yang of parenting. I found this interesting parenting post on Parenting.com: Do you and your husband fight in front of your kids? (Did your parents fight in front of you?).
I can relate to the post because I agree it’s okay to show children a slice of real life complete with arguments and tears. As long as it’s not like the nasty fights my "divorced" parents had when I was litte. In this particular instance yesterday, especially, my daughter asked me a ton of questions about it later so it gave us a chance to talk about emotions, hurt feelings, and saying sorry.
How does everyone else deal with this issue?July 19, 2011 at 10:30 am #23566
It is not the end of the world if your children see you and your spouse fight (to a certain degree, of course). You are human afterall, and it’s improtant for kids to understand that adults are human.
That being said, I feel that the most important lesson children can learn from seeing adults disagree is in watching how they then resolve their issues. Make sure that if your child witnesses the argument, they also witness the resolution. This is a great opportunity for you to talk about "saying you’re sorry" and discuss the importance of cooperation.
Don’t be too hard on yourself! :smileyhappy:July 20, 2011 at 6:41 am #23567
Hi! This is a great article that you may find helpful in dealing with situations like the one you described. The article was written by the Bright Horizons e-family news team:July 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm #23568
My husband and I don’t fight very often but do try to save our heated arguments for after the kids go to bed. If I’m really passionate about something or if he is, we know not to bring it up in front of them, especially because for me, I can’t think with them interupting so it’s harder to make my case.
The unplanned fights however, the ones that are centered around the kids, now those are tough to put off and probably the worse ones to have in front of the kids. They tend to be the big things – like when he’s been away traveling for several days (which he does a lot) and comes back exhausted. Meanwhile, I’m ready to pass along the primary parenting for an hour or two. My husband is amazing! He is incredibly helpful when he’s not traveling, sharing most tasks 50/50 – drop-off/pick-up, packing lunches, getting the kids fed, washing the dinner dishes, etc… Sure he rarely does baths and always seems to end up downstairs in the morning, dressed long before I can get the kids dressed but he’s otherwise very helpful. However, when he comes home and I’ve been doing everything for a few days, there have definitely been some arguments around whose contributing what. I think for the most part we handle the fights as best they can and stick to the facts. Knowing our kids are around, we do try to come to some civil agreement in front of them even if it’s just tabling the fight for their sake. We’re not perfect, so it doesn’t always work that way, but I do think it’s important for them to see a reasonable fight and watch us resolve it.July 22, 2011 at 8:33 am #23569
I wouldn’t say we fight but we may have disagreements in front of my son and we try not to let it get heated. I try to make a point of saying to my son, "See sometimes not everyone agrees on the same thing and you have to work it out." I try to keep the conversations that may get heated to a time that my son is not around.
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