Siblings not getting along
- August 31, 2011 at 4:50 am #23344
My girls are 9 and 5. My oldest has always been a little apprehensive towards my youngest. I know itis a little jealousy but we have included both girls in all that we do or have individualized routines for each as not to single either out. When frineds come over, they all play well together. Now, my oldest is getting to the point where she doesn’t want her sister around and doesn’t let her play with any of her things anymore. We have tried to explain to my youngest that some things are "sissys" and that she cannot play with them if siisy says "no". My oldest is refusig to help her sister in the mornings when it is time to get ready for school. "Daddy" is having a real hard time adjusting to all of this. Just yesterday he told my oldest – 9 years old – to make a decision, do you want to help around the house and with your sister or do you want to go live somewhere else? I was SO MAD that he did that! (I work in he am so I am not home when they all get up) He sent her off to school with this in her head! Then he had the nerve to tell me (on the phone on my way home from work) that he only told me because he tought I should know and that he didn’t tell me argue about it! How can I NOT? He then actually made her answer him when she got home! I can’t be home in the am to get all going so now I don’t know what to do anymore. I am at my wits end about the whole thing. I will listen to all advice, comments, etc. Thank youAugust 31, 2011 at 8:03 am #23346
I get what he was trying to say, even though it probably came out wrong in his anger and frustration. We have said similar things to our boys, in a different way. Maybe all 3 of you can sit down and talk about what it means to be in the family, the good things you have together, how each one of you is part of the success and each one needs to play their part in keeping things that way. We had our kids make a list of all of the things they were thankful in their lives, they listed games, toys, vacations, clothes, etc… and then they listed some things on their wish lists and we talked about how lucky we were to have all of these things and what it takes to get things we are wishing for and how we all reap the rewards of our family so we all need to play our part in the work behind it. Then we came up with a list of 5 responsiblilities each child is expected to do every day as part of the family success. It has worked well and the kids still talk about how their chores are part of our success.September 14, 2011 at 8:20 am #23347
I’ve struggled with some sibling issues in my family, as well. I actually posted about it a few months back: http://community.brighthorizons.com/t5/Toddler/Sibling-rivalry-toddler-looking-for-attention/td-p/494?
Things have slowly gotten better, but there are still days when my son and daughter don’t get along! To stay sane, I’ve had to make a conscious change in my own behavior. Getting mad and losing my temper at their fighting doesn’t often help (though it can be hard not to!)…but if I sit down and have a serious conversation with my son (my oldest), it’s usually very productive. It gives him a moment to settle down, explain his feelings, and understand what is ok and not ok when it comes to sharing/interacting with his younger sister. Sometimes I feel like we as parents put too high an expectation on the older child…but with a some explanation, coaching and encouragement, the good sibling moments can really begin to outnumber the bad!July 25, 2019 at 10:20 am #55935
I have a 7 year old son and 6 year old twin boys they are 10 months apart in age….my 7 year old is constantly bossing the twins stealing from them fighting with them and he manipulates everything imaginable. Hes begun stealing from myself his older sister and my fiancee’s 2 girls. The nonstop tattling, fighting, and fit throwing when he doesnt get his way is beyond measure….he pretends like he doesnt know something when he does or he will hear me talking to one of the other kids in regards usually to a question they have and then come over and ask the same question and talk in a baby voice and then mock me I dont know what to do any advice would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!
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