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Gendermania: Family “Completeness” Has Nothing to Do with Gender

Gendermania: Family “Completeness” Has Nothing to Do with Gender

Mother, son and daughterBy now, you’ve probably read or at least heard about the blog post by the dad who wrote a list of things he cannot do because he only has daughters. If you haven’t, check it out. In it, the dad blogger writes about people who presume he and his wife would want more children so they could have a boy. He takes offense at that. So do I. So should everyone. I take equal offense when people think I’m so lucky and “all set” because I have a son and a daughter. “Now you can be done,” they say. I am lucky. I have two amazing kids. Would I be any less lucky to have two sons? Or two daughters? Or one terrific healthy child? We are done, I believe. It has nothing to do with the type of reproductive organs my children have.

I take equal, or perhaps more offense, when people learn I have four sisters and no brothers, and they respond with “your poor Dad.” The response I give them is a quizzical look. The response I want to give them is a big old “F@%! you!” Which of my father’s daughters should stand up and recognize that our father would have been so much happier if she was a boy instead of who she is? Which of my sisters would my father have told you he would have traded in for a son?

Many years ago I worked with a state trooper who revealed to me that back when his wife was pregnant with their first child, he secretly wished for a girl so that he wouldn’t have to hesitate to cuddle and nuzzle and coo at his new born baby. By the time he relayed this story, he had eight young children, boys and girls, and he was recounting how stupid he had been back then, and how, the instant you become a parent, you become endowed with a completely different kind of wisdom. And while his firstborn did turn out to be a girl, there’s no way he would have stopped himself from showing all his fatherly tenderness even if she had been a boy.

I wish more people would share that trooper’s wisdom. Because far too many people think nothing of the offense they shower on parents and children alike when they presume your family is incomplete for any reason.

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One comment

  1. Kris-Ann (Progressive Mom) May 6, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Well said. As someone who is about to have a third child (another boy), spaced farther apart than the other two, a common question is whether or not we were “going for the girl” (equally as annoying, Was it planned?). We simply knew our family wasn’t complete and wanted another child…no matter what the gender ended up being.

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