Why We’re Good Moms
There has been a lot of talk this week about comments Yahoo CEO and new mom Marissa Mayer made about how her two-month-old baby has been easy. Moms are up in arms some saying she’s setting a bad precedent, others arguing it’s only easy because of the army of helpers she likely has at her disposal. In other recent mom-troversy, lots of people have been speculating about whether or not Mayim Bialik’s attachment parenting practices played a role in her recently announced divorce. These two moms are on what appear to be opposite sides of the mom-spectrum and yet both have come under fire from other moms ready to criticize their choices.
Why do we moms judge each other so much? I know I’m guilty of it and I really wish I wasn’t. I think (at least for me) the judgement comes from insecurity about the choices that we’ve made as parents. When we see someone else doing it differently, it can seem like a challenge to our very way of life. We want to believe were doing what is best for our children and sometimes that means we wear our choices like a coat of armor. We look for ways to defend our choices by finding fault with the other’s choices. The successful working mom must be selfish and an absentee mom. The happy stay at home mom must be lazy and secretly unfulfilled.
I’ve also find that mom judgement goes a little deeper and is often tied to the our own self-perceived deficiencies as a mom. I know I harp on my weaknesses and berate myself for not doing certain things better. I recently had a candid conversation with other mom friends, all of whom have very different parenting styles, and found I’m not the only one. We each have different strengths, different things that make us good moms but it seems that we often forget to recognize them. It was amazing to see that when we were all honest with each other about why we thought we were bad moms, our friends were quick to remind us why we were good moms.
So I decided to make a little list of a few of the things that I often forget that I think make me a good mom:
- I’m an excellent story teller.
- I’m good at being goofy. Never has my affinity for skipping and dancing and generally being silly been more valuable than play time with Liam.
- I’m very cuddly.
- I like doing things he likes to do, even if they’re not my favorite.
- I try my hardest to be a good role model.
- I picked a great parenting partner in his dad, whom I love very much and who balances out some of my own weaknesses with his strengths.
- And lastly, I’m a good mom because I have a happy baby who I love more fiercely than I ever thought possible.
What does your list looks like? What makes you a good mom that you sometimes forget to recognize?