Why I Chose to Share My Pregnancy News Before the Second Trimester
The standard rule is to keep your pregnancy a secret until you’re in the second trimester “safe zone”. As we know, this is because your risk of miscarriage decreases at this point. Some people choose to tell literally no one their pregnancy news (other than their spouse, of course) for these 12-13 weeks. Some share the news only with their parents or a very limited group of people, and then others are a little more lax about the whole thing. If I had to choose which group I fell into, it would definitely be the last.
I found out I was pregnant when I was only about three weeks along. After sharing the news with my husband, we FaceTimed my parents that same night and used the same “Baby W” stocking to share the news with them. A few days later we FaceTimed my in-laws and let them in on our little secret. Thanksgiving was upon us the following week, and while we didn’t travel home for the holiday, I knew that this was the best opportunity I would have to share the news with my extended family at a time when they were all together. So our trusty little stocking took center stage again, and more than doubled the number of people who were now in the know. By the time I was seven to eight weeks along, we had told all of our close friends, and at just under eleven weeks, I shared the news with my manager.
At this point, some of you are probably wondering why I insisted on letting the cat out of the bag before I knew it was a sure thing. To be honest, part of it was definitely excitement, and I wanted to share those feelings of joy and happiness with family and friends. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have fears of miscarrying when we shared the news. I did. But what I didn’t fear so much was confiding in these people had the unthinkable happened.
Everyone is different in this respect, but had I miscarried, not only would I have wanted their support, I would have undoubtedly needed it. Unfortunately, there is a stigma associated with miscarriage, and therefore a sense of shame, almost, that a woman feels. I honestly wish we could banish it. It’s unnecessary, and I think it’s the main reason women choose not to share the wonderful news of their pregnancies until they’re one third of the way through them. Miscarriages are sadly somewhat common and undeniably tragic, but the vast majority of the time there is nothing the woman could have done to prevent it. I feel so fortunate to not have experienced that at this point. But had I miscarried, I hope that I could have shamelessly told my family and friends and received their love and support while I recovered. It would have been an essential part of me healing and moving forward.
So, this was my reasoning for sharing the news early on in my pregnancy. Had I miscarried, perhaps I would have been regretful of my decision to tell so many people. Maybe I would have a completely different perspective on everything. I’m aware that that is a very real possibility. Looking back at this point, though, I’m happy with the decisions we made. We were able to share the bliss and excitement for a couple months longer than we would have been able to otherwise. And for something that takes up such a small sliver of our lives, I’m more than happy to to revel in the elation – and allow our family and friends to do the same – for as long as we possibly can.